06.29.08
The Little (Likeable) Monster
My SHINE System of communication is based on the fact that our nation (and world) has become so focused on efficiency and productivity that we forget to be human. We are skilled at technology, but we sometimes have a LOT of trouble dealing with people.
Yet as author Tim Sanders says in his book, “The Likeability Factor,” success in the workplace and in life is guaranteed by your popularity–how much people like you. He cites a 2000 study by Yale University and the Center for Socialization and Development–Berlin: “People, unlike animals, gain success not by being aggressive but by being nice.” When you can generate positive feelings in others, you become more influential, impressive, and successful.
This week’s tour in the Comedy Around the World stops in Nazarath, Isarel, where I volunteered on a kibbutz Ulpan (Hebrew language study). One of our supervisors was a peer who was very demanding, precise, authoritarian, and frightening. Even though she was barely 5 feet tall. We called her “the little monster”.
She was generally disliked and overwhelmingly hated. When she came into the factory where we worked, we would avoid her and hide behind the conveyor belts. We secretly hoped that she would give us a good shift–the 8 p.m. to 4 a.m. shift. Usually she did not.
On one of my days off, I took a bus to go into Tel Aviv. As I waited to switch buses, someone came up to me and said hi. It was the little monster. I braced myself for her words. But instead of saying something mean, she offered me some chocolates. I wasn’t hungry but I took them anyway–they were chocolate haystacks, what could I say, “No?”
I realized in that moment that maybe she realized how hated she was at the kibbutz. And I was impressed that she was taking some actions to change her image.
If the little monster can be redeemed, anyone can. Becoming likeable, says Sanders, is hard work. But when people see that you are making a genuine (not manipulative) effort to change, they will respond positively. Forget the LG and focus on your L-Factor (Likeability factor)! And “Get Your SHINE Together!”
