01.30.12
Posted in Humor & change, Humor attitude, Humor~Health & Goals, Humor~Inspirational, Learning Identity, The Change Process, humor & hope, www.HumorAcademy.com at 3:59 am by Dr. Trina Hess
Change means that we feel out of control. We don’t know who we are anymore. We’ve lost our identity, and with it, our sense of humor. Then, we take everything seriously, including—and especially—ourselves.
So then we can’t relax. So then we can’t focus; our decisions are skewed. What we’re left with are actions that may be moving forward, but we still feel out of control. We question: Maybe this isn’t the forward motion we’re supposed to be on.
I had a bad dream last night. I dreamed that my grandma was out of it. She didn’t remember me or know who I was. Suddenly, I felt afraid. Felt out of control—of the dream scene, my feelings, and my choices.
That dream got me thinking about caregivers. When a scene like that dream happens in real life, what do caregivers do? All of a sudden their ‘in control’ life of saying “Hi” to their loved ones disappears. They become strangers in this new, strange land. No wonder there is little to laugh at or about.
But if we can’t lighten up, we can’t help our loved one to lighten up either. No matter who they think we are. We create a negative vortex of sad-ittude that begins with fear and swirls around with what-if’s, avoidance, denial, and then we may just bolt from the room in a self-generated panic.
My grandpa died in a nursing home. The day he left, he’d asked for his hat, shoes, and “billfold” (wallet). He was ready to go. He knew it.
He was in control.
We weren’t.
He knew his identity was leaving now.
We didn’t know that.
But what if there is a stage amid failure of one thing and success in the next? 
Why not claim this limbo state, and declare it as our identity? What if accepting that we are out of control were our (only) way of being “in control”?
How that would make us laugh!
How that would clarify our decision-making!
How that would make things much easier to handle and accept!
How funny is THAT?
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12.05.11
Posted in Humor & change, Humor~Health & Goals, Humor~Research, Learning Identity, The Change Process, humor & hope, www.HumorAcademy.com at 7:58 pm by Dr. Trina Hess
I used to believe the Oprah chant that we are the creators of our selves. We decide what our identity will be. I used to believe that. Until the Penn State scandal.
The news of the scandal, and especially the shock of Joe Paterno’s ousting, were unsettling to this recent Penn State graduate. The entire escapade highlighted just how little control we sometimes may have in deciding who “we” “are”.
The Paterno news was startling, because the coach came to represent Penn State’s identity. Even more than the high quality research history, the other sports and academic programs, the creamery and the animal studies.
But I was never a football fan. The only Penn State gear I bought in my 7 year career there was a pair of blue fleece mittens with the Nittany Lion logo. I didn’t buy football jerseys, or even go to any games. My strategy had always been to get out of town when there was a game, otherwise I would be stuck in the tiny-streeted maze until after half- time.
So why did the news affect me like it did?
I felt, as one person walking on the streets of State College commented, “like I was in a daze.” This is what it feels like to not know your identity. And this is exactly what happens when we’re slapped in the face with CHANGE.
Sure we do and can decide how we will define our identity. But even more so, and even more surprising, is that we also absorb large amounts of other things that define our identity. These are the facets that we must investigate, and later integrate (or not) as we go through a transition situation.
The bad news is that we don’t realize this. We want to overcome the change, get back to normal, and feel happy again. Even more bad news: when we encounter change, our first reaction may be to grasp on to disjointed tips and advice and therefore we don’t successfully complete our change. We end up back in the vortex of feeling like we’re in a daze.
We need a systematic approach to change. A program that will help us to naviagte, incorporate, and enjoy the process of change.
The good news is that we CAN do this—but only by using our innate sense of HUMOR…
Who are you after a change? How funny is THAT?
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09.20.11
Posted in Humor attitude, Humor~Creativity, Humor~Health & Goals, Learning Identity, www.HumorAcademy.com at 2:21 pm by Dr. Trina Hess
Every time I see William Hurt, I like him more and more. I just watched him yesterday in “The 4th Floor.” The more I watched his stoic character, the more I realized, HE embodies HUMOR.
No, he’s not rolling in the aisles.
No, he’s not cracking jokes.
No, he’s not even smiling.
But what he DOES do is open up a world where HUMOR can thrive. Here’s how:
1. He is un-usual. His character is definitely not what we think of when we think of the status quo “actor.” He’s not one of those Lifetime-movie heavy-sighing, cat-fighting, back-stabbing actor (and those are just the love scenes).
Instead, the silence of his character lets OUR creativity roar. His minute, almost imperceptible facial expressions let US read into the story, let US make up our own minds about him, about his relationship to the other characters, and his level of guilt and suspicion.
2. He makes us wonder. He stands back and lets US figure out “the joke”, or the meaning of the movie. Not only that, but his complete lack of the lady-ga-ga-style over-the-top style that we’ve come to define as “entertainment”—that’s what makes him compelling.
3. He opens space. Like all good humor, he surprises us, catches us off guard, because he isn’t doing anything. He’s not flailing around, he’s not shouting, he doesn’t have a non-content-rich reality show. He doesn’t DO anything!!! And in today’s world of people who do too much, that is fascinating!!! It’s ground-breaking!! It is different. And we notice.
4. He is OK with what is. William Hurt embraces the quality of acceptance—one of the key components that makes humor work. He’s no Brad Pitt. He probably looks like your dentist. He doesn’t wear flashy clothes or talk in an accent. He doesn’t have abs.
You can imagine that this actor you watch on screen is the same one who would be taking out the garbage to the curb on trash day, going to PTA meetings, or balancing his checkbook. He simply makes a seamless transition to his career, which happens to be acting, the way people transition from getting out of bed and into their car to go to their jobs. This comfortable acceptance of himself makes us feel comfortable watching him. He is credible. That makes his characters credible. That makes me more interested in seeing what else he will (or won’t) do.
Is your humor style Hurt-ing anyone? I hope so.
Being yourself is very compelling. And you might even surprise someone…..
How funny is THAT?
Tell us more at www.HumorAcademy.com and then continue the conversation on Facebook!
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09.05.11
Posted in Humor~Health & Goals, www.HumorAcademy.com at 3:21 pm by Dr. Trina Hess
“If there are mistakes, they will be FUNNY!” That’s what my guest Lois Creamer, of BookMoreBusiness.com told me before last week’s teleconference with the Association for Applied and Therapeutic Humor (AATH).
What do YOU do when things don’t go as you’d hoped?
Panic?
Punish—yourself or others?
Hide?
Eat lots of ho-ho’s?
Luckily, as a comedian, I have a LOT of leeway when it comes to mistakes. I am expected to NOT take myself seriously. I encourage people to lighten up, to roll with the punches. But I still have a big stock of ho-ho’s on hand.
Because I too panic. That’s my first reaction when things don’t go according to plan. And I even have very very scantily-clad plans. Always. I remind myself to “expect nothing” and I try to remember the meditation articles I’ve read (if not put into actual practice) in my yoga magazines that I collect by the foot of my bed and in the bathroom. But, even with all these memory devices, I still want everything to go well.
And in our teleconference, at first glance, things did not.
Luckily we weren’t the Society for Creative Anachronism, the Society for Neuroscience, or the Society for Human Resource Management. We are the Association for Applied and Therapeutic HUMOR. In other words, we had a LOT of leeway to NOT take ourselves seriously.
The best thing about creative people like those in AATH are that we are experts at improvising. We’re skilled at and schooled in responding deftly with hecklers. We THRIVE on that type of interaction. So when things aren’t going according to plan, we jump into action. We feel right at home.
One caller put us all on hold. And we heard all about her company’s in-house pharmacy. At least twice or three times. While still trying to find out how to BookMoreBusiness from Lois Creamer. One of the AATh veterans comforted the apologetic caller who arrived back on the call. ”At least it’s good to know you have an in-house pharmacy.” I said, “Yes, we may need it after this call.”
Lois was right. Our mistakes WERE funny. In that easy atmosphere, we not only learned skills about how to BookMoreBusiness, we also retained that information, connected with the other callers, and maybe even spontaneously got some ideas to spur our business and bookings.
What do YOU do with your mistakes, missteps, misunderstandings?
Hide them?
Deny them?
Or do you LAUGH?
And then get on with your day?
To listen to our funny call, just go to AATH’s site and maybe YOU could join us and learn from the experts how to take things lightly!
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08.21.11
Posted in Humor~Health & Goals, Humor~Inspirational, The Change Process at 11:42 pm by Dr. Trina Hess
What’s So Funny About Traffic?
by Dr. Trina Hess www.humoracademy.com
Today I realized three things that traffic can do to make us laugh. Traffic, you see, offers us …
1. An instant chance to see things in a different way.
This new sight lets us lighten up and laugh.
“Nice turn signal, buddy!” That phrase is usually said sarcastically and in the absence of a turn signal. Today as a car was approaching, with turn signal on, I realized something profound and quite relaxing: It’s MUCH better, someone who uses no turn signal when turning, than someone who uses a turn signal and doesn’t mean it.
The latter is much more dangerous. You could pull out of your road and into the car’s path. You thought he was turning. He didn’t.
2. An instant opportunity to let go and laugh.
A slow-moving Buick pulled onto the road I was on. As I followed the loping car, getting angrier and madder that it was making me late, I noticed something.
There was a turkey in the back seat. Usually the turkey is driving, but this case was different: A child was wearing a Thanksgiving home-made turkey with hand-feathers. In August. Completely random; obviously as oblivious as the car’s driver to the outside world; and–absolutely funny! I smiled the whole way to my destination.
3. An instant reminder of connecting with our fellow drivers.
A four-way stop can be a tense situation. No one knows when to go. But like any situation that at first looks stressful, the four-way stop holds potential.
It gives us a free opportunity to be a good neighbor, and to do it nearly anonymously. You can wave someone on, someone who “legally” should let you go first. No explanations, no rationale, no embarrassment for being such a nice person.
Traffic is important because it offers us instant instances for laughter.
Our goal? To shorten the twist in perspective and get to the laugh.
Our solution? Get in the car and get on the road to lightness…
What made YOU smile today? How funny is THAT?
Join the traffic on Facebook and join the fun!
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01.05.11
Posted in Humor attitude, Humor~Health & Goals, The Change Process at 10:04 pm by Dr. Trina Hess
One of the B*E*S*T things that humor gives us is that ability to get people’s attention.
Right now, in any audience or office in the world, all the people there are in various stages of overwhelm. Good or bad.
Your job: to have content and platform skills that are strong enough (read: HUMOR-induced) to snap them outta their stupor—their worries, future-fears, concerns, even their joys. Because all those other emotions are flooding their minds and filling them with the inability to hear YOU.
At one luncheon I attended, people were giving their introductions. My table was the gregarious one—even though I was sitting there too. I thought I heard someone introduce himself as a “Ninja Bird” because he was wearing a turtleneck sweater.
Well, my antennae sprouted. I was intrigued because it sounded like a great title for a book that I will write one day! Sadly I found out the man had said, “introvert,” and explained that his friends call him that because he always wears turtleneck sweaters that cover his throat chakra.
Personally, I liked Ninja Bird better, and that I is what I call him every time I see him.
See what something out-of-the-ordinary can doàsnap us to attention, even when there is dissonance and static going on at our very table.
We can always hear the HUMOR.
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12.22.10
Posted in Comedy Around The World, Humor attitude, Humor~Health & Goals at 4:35 am by Dr. Trina Hess
This week’s Comedy Around the World goes shopping for Christmas presents. Christmas is one of my favorite times of the year. It’s right up there with Groundhog Day and April Fool’s. But not for the reasons you may think. Not because people are in a good mood, or willing to be kind to one another. That’s old hat.
I love this time of year because people are willing to go completely off the logic & reason chain.
We claim that Christmas is a stressful time. But in fact, we’re throwing OFF our stress-inducing habits.
* We’re NOT hypervigilant about gas prices when there’s shopping to be done.
* We’re NOT paranoid about keeping to our time schedules.
* We DON’T care about our diets.
* We are solely focused on having FUN.
Here are some examples I’ve witnessed (or committed) myself:
1. People are completely un-gas-saving. Forgot a present for someone? Just drive another 30 miles out of your way. It’s a gift. It’s Christmas.
2. People are wholly unselfish. I was about to pay for my groceries at the Amish smashed can store when the owner handed me a pen. I said, “I’ve already signed UP for the free gift certificate.” (”Just write your name and phone number,” the sign read…). He said, “NO! This is a GIFT!” Completely unnatural especially since the store sells $4.95 health food store crackers for .35 cents. Insane!
3. People jump start their impulsiveness by throwing out their schedules. Have to get up at 5:30 a.m. for work? Doesn’t matter, stores are open until 10. And you shop, because it’s Christmastime.
What other time of the year lets us let ourselves be so free, so unfettered, and at ease? No, we’re not non-conformist (because EVERYone is being nonconformist this time of year). But we ARE being truer to ourselves. Staying up late when we shouldn’t. Eating sugar-laden foods haphazardly because friends are near. Driving maniacally from store to store when gas is $3.09 a gallon.
Nonsense!
Madness!
And very, very FUN.
What irrational and illogical things are YOU doing this Christmas season? How funny is THAT?
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12.20.10
Posted in Humor attitude, Humor~Health & Goals at 11:23 pm by Dr. Trina Hess
I used to think all people have a sense of humor. We shouldn’t get so easily offended. We shouldn’t take ourselves so seriously that we analyze a speaker’s comments to or about us.
Now, I have rethunk that position.
I wish I could go back and apologize to all the audiences I told to not sweat the snide stuff. I even used to hint that sarcasm can be a positive.
When participants mentioned a horrifying work environment, I reminded them to do a self-de-stressing exercise. “Just tell yourself, ‘Maybe they were just trying to be funny and failed.’”
But now I disagree. With myself. Because all humor starts with a grain of truth. Your intuition—that knot in the stomach, nausea, feeling offended—is always right.
You can sort out the actualities later, but you must give yourself the option that that the person wasn’t just trying to be funny.
I used to think that to rid ourselves of stress, we should not take ourselves too seriously. Now I know better: When we ignore our inner voice and truth, we CREATE stress. And we reduce OUR humor capacity and skill because we’re denying that grain of (our) truth. Sure don’t take yourself too seriously, but take your intuition very seriously!
What were YOU offended by today? How funny is THAT (or not)?
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12.17.10
Posted in Humor attitude, Humor~Creativity, Humor~Health & Goals, The Change Process at 11:11 pm by Dr. Trina Hess
Today at the gym I heard a dissonant, screeching sound. No, I didn’t break the weight machine cable. I didn’t even DO anything. It’s something that happened TO me.
Someone with ear buds was — unknowingly or else vengefully — singing out loud and off key. I can’t relate to that. I don’t own ear buds (or as I like to call them, ear wax collectors) because they are painful and gross. If I can’t carry my Sony Walkman around with me, it’s not worth the effort. I’d rather just think up songs in my head and then keep them to myself.
My first thought was to find the manager. My second thought was, “Does this person know she is singing out loud?” And my third action was—to—laugh.
Because whether or not singing was “allowed” in the gym; and whether or not the person was aware of others in the room; she was singing.
What ways do YOU censor yourself?
What ideas and joy are YOU afraid to express?
What’s wrong with YOUR earbuds? Put them on today and have fun. I promise I won’t tell the manager! ;)
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12.16.10
Posted in Humor attitude, Humor~Health & Goals, The Change Process at 2:36 am by Dr. Trina Hess
Today I was bandied about by the rhythm of the day. It was one of those choppy-houred days where things were scheduled randomly and there was only a slight chance I’d accomplish everything.
I drove into town in an ‘I-give-up’ sort of trance. There was a line waiting for the free chair massages at the wellness center. So I wasn’t the only freeloader!
Gradually I had calmed down enough to notice the brightest, most spectacular thing I’d seen all day. THEY HAD COOKIES! And not just that, but coffee. Sure the usual light-weight herb tea was sitting untouched in the basket, but TODAY THEY HAD COFFEE!!
I grabbed one of each kind of cookie and settled into my favorite chair. A woman came out to the cookie tray and I quickly hid my stash under a napkin. I was compelled to talk to her. “Are you in line too, or are you one of the therapists?”
She explained that she does the acutonics, the sound healing with tuning forks. I was fascinated by her information and told her about my violin teacher’s sound healing CDs.
I had very little waiting until my chair massage turn. “How were the roads?” the therapist asked. (In our area of the state, this is like normal people asking, “How are you?”)
I said I don’t notice the weather anymore since I got studded tires.
She excitedly told me about her studded tires and how she’s no longer afraid of the winter roads.
As I was leaving, the owner commented, “I like your scarf! You matched it exactly to your sweater! Nice!”
“What?” I hadn’t noticed and certainly hadn’t matched anything. On the way out the door, I’d grabbed the warmest scarf from my pile of outdoor-wear before the cat made it into a bed. Later that day, another person commented that she liked my hat, and that, “It matches your scarf perfectly!”
Interesting. Perfect. Without trying. Or maybe because I didn’t try…
After this relaxing and serendipitous break in my day, I went to the dentist.
The assistant asked, “Are you ready for Christmas?” I told her I’d just bought my 3rd gift so far. “You’re 2 ahead of me!”
“Great! I don’t feel so bad! I don’t like shopping.”
My dentist heard and chimed in, “I’m like that, too.”
What an odd day. It began so out-of-control. Like an Elvis jump-split ending where you remember at the last minute you’re not very flexible. And then it limped along, without any help from me.
But wait. I DID some things, and I did them right: I was practicing all the tenets of HUMOR.
1. I was open to everything. The tight schedule, the many tasks, and even my tense inner feelings.
2. I was being observant. Because I wasn’t structuring my day, all the highlights sparkled on their own (the compliments, the schedule karma, and of course, the COOKIES!).
3. I was accepting. Although the day didn’t begin in control, I didn’t fight it, didn’t wish it were better. I didn’t try to deny by pumping myself up with positivity. I just sat back and enjoyed.
4. I was connecting. Without trying, connections happened. Freeloaders. Studded tires. Sound healing. Procrastinators of presents. Scarf envy. And of course, THE COOKIES!!
Sure, there was that tension. The control-freak stress we impose on ourselves. But once I got over that burden, the cookies were there. The cookies. They’re the bright spots in our day, the surprising gems we didn’t even know we wanted. And they are always there, even on our worst days. If we just notice and accept them, we will inevitably also connect to them.
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