01.30.12
Posted in Humor & change, Humor attitude, Humor~Health & Goals, Humor~Inspirational, Learning Identity, The Change Process, humor & hope, www.HumorAcademy.com at 3:59 am by Dr. Trina Hess
Change means that we feel out of control. We don’t know who we are anymore. We’ve lost our identity, and with it, our sense of humor. Then, we take everything seriously, including—and especially—ourselves.
So then we can’t relax. So then we can’t focus; our decisions are skewed. What we’re left with are actions that may be moving forward, but we still feel out of control. We question: Maybe this isn’t the forward motion we’re supposed to be on.
I had a bad dream last night. I dreamed that my grandma was out of it. She didn’t remember me or know who I was. Suddenly, I felt afraid. Felt out of control—of the dream scene, my feelings, and my choices.
That dream got me thinking about caregivers. When a scene like that dream happens in real life, what do caregivers do? All of a sudden their ‘in control’ life of saying “Hi” to their loved ones disappears. They become strangers in this new, strange land. No wonder there is little to laugh at or about.
But if we can’t lighten up, we can’t help our loved one to lighten up either. No matter who they think we are. We create a negative vortex of sad-ittude that begins with fear and swirls around with what-if’s, avoidance, denial, and then we may just bolt from the room in a self-generated panic.
My grandpa died in a nursing home. The day he left, he’d asked for his hat, shoes, and “billfold” (wallet). He was ready to go. He knew it.
He was in control.
We weren’t.
He knew his identity was leaving now.
We didn’t know that.
But what if there is a stage amid failure of one thing and success in the next? 
Why not claim this limbo state, and declare it as our identity? What if accepting that we are out of control were our (only) way of being “in control”?
How that would make us laugh!
How that would clarify our decision-making!
How that would make things much easier to handle and accept!
How funny is THAT?
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10.11.11
Posted in Humor & change, Humor~Inspirational, The Change Process, humor & hope, www.HumorAcademy.com at 1:05 am by Dr. Trina Hess
How funny is God? How can we know? Why would or should we care?
In my study of people reconstructing their identity after having made a work transition, I found the spiritual factor to be a central force in determining whether someone could or could not make it through a transition. That’s because it is only this spirituality that unleashes us from the control, stagnant thinking, and hopelessness of the ego. Nothing else will do it.
The essence of positive humor (as defined by the Association for Applied and Therapeutic Humor) is therapeutic. It begs each of us to get rid of the ego.
At this year’s AATH conference, Dr. Waleed Salameh talked about his extensive research on humor and how the ego is what keeps us from experiencing joy. Prevents us from taking ourselves lightly. That’s because the ego demands that we take ourselves seriously in order to protect our image. To uphold our notion of perfectionism.
That’s fine if you want to roll around endlessly in a vacuum or like a hardball rolling around a roulette wheel but never stopping. It’s motion, but it’s going nowhere. It’s directionless and not much fun. And, you never really find out who you are—your identity.
Without the ability to know YOU, you lose the ability to direct your resources toward your purpose in life. You can’t seem to make it out of the morass that we call “change.”
That’s where humor enters in: when we have this positive humor, we are well-poised to discover our direction, our purpose, our identity. Humor helps us in these important ways:
1. Humor encourages us toward the TRUTH of a situation
2. Humor enables us to hold divergent views and not buckle
3. Humor establishes a basis for hope to grow and then lead us toward our goals
But none of this can happen when the ego stands in our way.
And that’s where God enters in. Spirituality. Or at least something that’s outside your ego, untouched by your control. Maybe your spirituality is an entity, a feeling, or a state of mind. Maybe for you it’s an essence, an inspiration. If it’s not there, your direction is at a standstill.
Who are you and what is your purpose? How funny is THAT?
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08.21.11
Posted in Humor~Health & Goals, Humor~Inspirational, The Change Process at 11:42 pm by Dr. Trina Hess
What’s So Funny About Traffic?
by Dr. Trina Hess www.humoracademy.com
Today I realized three things that traffic can do to make us laugh. Traffic, you see, offers us …
1. An instant chance to see things in a different way.
This new sight lets us lighten up and laugh.
“Nice turn signal, buddy!” That phrase is usually said sarcastically and in the absence of a turn signal. Today as a car was approaching, with turn signal on, I realized something profound and quite relaxing: It’s MUCH better, someone who uses no turn signal when turning, than someone who uses a turn signal and doesn’t mean it.
The latter is much more dangerous. You could pull out of your road and into the car’s path. You thought he was turning. He didn’t.
2. An instant opportunity to let go and laugh.
A slow-moving Buick pulled onto the road I was on. As I followed the loping car, getting angrier and madder that it was making me late, I noticed something.
There was a turkey in the back seat. Usually the turkey is driving, but this case was different: A child was wearing a Thanksgiving home-made turkey with hand-feathers. In August. Completely random; obviously as oblivious as the car’s driver to the outside world; and–absolutely funny! I smiled the whole way to my destination.
3. An instant reminder of connecting with our fellow drivers.
A four-way stop can be a tense situation. No one knows when to go. But like any situation that at first looks stressful, the four-way stop holds potential.
It gives us a free opportunity to be a good neighbor, and to do it nearly anonymously. You can wave someone on, someone who “legally” should let you go first. No explanations, no rationale, no embarrassment for being such a nice person.
Traffic is important because it offers us instant instances for laughter.
Our goal? To shorten the twist in perspective and get to the laugh.
Our solution? Get in the car and get on the road to lightness…
What made YOU smile today? How funny is THAT?
Join the traffic on Facebook and join the fun!
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04.25.11
Posted in Humor attitude, Humor~Inspirational, Learning Identity, The Change Process, www.HumorAcademy.com at 3:43 pm by Dr. Trina Hess
It IS possible to be too de-stressed. I’ll give you time to re-read that sentence.
I’m talking about de-stressed—to the point of giving up, letting people walk all over us, our dignity and what we thought was our personal freedom and meaning.
Coming home from a conference, I was stopped at the radiation-monitor known as TSA. Apparently I seemed suspicious. I could have been planning to throw a malatov cocktail. (Have they ever seen me throw a ball? Even young children laugh at me).
“Can I get my bags off the conveyor belt?” I asked in a panic, as I watched people rush by my exposed money, clothing and make-up. People who were by then overly-irritated and probably also money-hungry and make-up challenged.
Sure I did have those >3 oz. make-up items in my bag but this punishment was going too far. I surely wasn’t going to combine them into an explosive. (Have they seen my chemistry grades? THAT’s what should constitute an airline screening! Throwing a ball and science abilities. I could run through the detectors!)
But the screener didn’t seem to hear me. As he was closing the see-through door of the plastic square of guilt, he simply added, chuckling, “Just keep an eye on ‘em.” He chuckled! HE was obviously de-stressing in his job. And that was for me very distressing!
There was no way—AND no reason—for me to see this situation in a funny way. How did I know? I just knew. On a visceral level. That something was very wrong with this picture. Especially after the cursory and probably also-meaningless swabbing of my hands after I was released from the guilt chamber.
Did they think that in addition to being a threat that I was also one of those people who doesn’t wash their hands after using the bathroom??? Where would it end?
______________________________________________________________________________________________
Where IS the line? And does it depend on our mood of the day? I hope that even on a good hair day I will STILL take offense at being “chosen” for “special” screeing.
Instead of laughing off our stress, let’s instead screen our stress-reduction tendencies and beliefs before implementing them:
1. First, see if the situation is flush with reality. Does it make sense, what’s happening?
2. Second, what does it do to your feeling of personal dignity? Some people are offended at blue humor. Others don’t even notice it. How do YOU feel?
3. Finally, even if there is nothing inherently funny in the situation, we can maintian a humorous outlook INWARDLY. As a meditative state that allows us clarity and the capacity for action.
How did YOU survive today’s screening? How funny is THAT? How funny SHOULD it be?
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04.11.11
Posted in Comedy Around The World, Humor attitude, Humor~Inspirational, www.HumorAcademy.com at 9:56 pm by Dr. Trina Hess
Or—in the air. This week’s Comedy Around the World goes home.
Last night late I came back to Pittsburgh International Airport. After leaving from a place like Orlando I generally expect the weather at home to be about 20 degrees colder, give or take 40 degrees.
But surprisingly enough, it was a warm night. The moon was out and there was a nice breeze. So I decided to walk the disjointed maze that is extended parking, and find my car by foot instead of waiting for the shuttle.
When I stopped off the highway to get some caffeine, two clerks were smoking outside the doors. I asked them, “Are you still open now?”
They said, “Yes, we just didn’t want to stay inside, it’s too nice out here!”
I said, “I know!” and told them about my parking lot walk.
That’s the way humor is. It’s like that warm night air. It’s everywhere. It’s in the ether.
We just don’t always see or feel it because of other distractions.
Maybe we wanted to be in the air conditioning.
Maybe we went to bed already.
Maybe we decided to go inside and listen to music or watch tv.
Maybe we were outside but had other thoughts in our minds so that we didn’t even notice the pleasant evening.
People sometimes ask how I can be so quick with my remarks to hecklers or other Q&A participants. My answer: I love hecklers. THEY are out in the warm night air. They feel the ether, and together we’re both merely reaching up and grabbing humor elements out of thin air. LIterally.
But in order to do this, you have to meet certain criteria. You have to be outside (though not necessarily with a cigarette). In the fray. Part of the mix.
And then just let yourself enjoy. Just like you don’t have to force yourself to enjoy a warm breeze, or a glimpse at the moon, you shouldn’t have to force yourself to find, use, or experience humor.
What’s the temperature like where YOU are? How funny is THAT?
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01.08.11
Posted in Humor attitude, Humor~Inspirational, The Change Process at 4:14 am by Dr. Trina Hess
“It’s only 5 more weeks of this!”
“That’s right—March 20th, isn’t it?”
I overheard some people at a store talking about the weather.
“Yeah, but they got it a lot worse in New York and other places.”
“That’s right. We can’t complain.”
But they just did!
I’ve always been amazed at people who live in warm, season-less climates. Where the weather stays pretty much the same year-round.
How do they process time? What’s their concept of change? Aren’t they bored??? Once the temperature got above 74 degrees I could only sit down and rest and wait until sunset. How do those people function?
Changing seasons trains us to deal with, manage, rail against, and conquer change. We have to. It’s that simple. So we intuitively and eventually learn how.
There are a few common steps that happen in this season-rich society where I live.
1. The shock-to-the-system of the initial change. Fingers go numb. Cars won’t start. People panic.3. Gradually the heavy coats and scarves, hand-warmers and heaters are enough. They become almost an extension of our limbs, an ever-present friend.The funny thing about seasons is that this process repeats itself again in the Spring. Believe it or not, there are those of us who don’t like spring. It means no more skiing, ice skating, snowboarding or using our studded tires. All our outdoor sports are gone. And this time it’s our comfort zone is shocked into a warm awareness.
2. Regular complaints against an institution that no one can change (acid rain and global warming notwithstanding).
4. At last, we become—almost—comfortable. We’ve accepted that we can’t change the weather that’s happening to us. And we may even find ways to enjoy it.
5. Funny thing, we discover that we’ve been in control all along. We could change how we responded all this time, ever since the first snowflake: what we wear, how long we stay outdoors, our enjoyment of this new acceptance of something formerly despised.
What if we could adapt this season-mindset and use it when we face other conflicts, turmoil, and chaos in our lives. Would we be able to lighten up about it, if we knew that our season would return and we would again find comfort and control.
What’s YOUR favorite season? Can you let it go?
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01.05.11
Posted in Humor attitude, Humor~Creativity, Humor~Inspirational at 10:46 pm by Dr. Trina Hess
There’s something N*E*W going on at YourShiningExample.com
My cat’s name is MAESTRO. If someone isn’t a classical music fan, they probably haven’t heard the word. And mostly no one has seen it spelled. But when you say it correctly it sounds kind of like it was derived from “mice.” Get it?
What a clever name. It’s perfect, meaningful. And—at the vet’s office—very very ineffective.
We sit amid the huddled masses trying to calm each other down. The receptionist calls out, “May-ES-tro?” (I never know whether their voice is rising because they’re wondering if we’re here at our appointment, or if they’ve said the name right.)
Usually we don’t answer because neither my cat nor I have ever heard of “May-ES-tro?” We didn’t realize the call was for us. We were only listening for a specific thing, focused on a specific goal. We wanted to hear what we wanted to hear.
And so everything else was muffled.
That’s the way we—me, my cat, and you and everyone—functions on an average day. We’re focused on goals. We’re specific. If something lies outside our range of attention, we may miss it.
UNLESS it’s something HUMOR-induced and capable of whipping us out of our cyclone of daily tasks.
UNLESS it’s something HUMOR-induced that creates a lighter load for the listener.
UNLESS it’s something HUMOR-induced that will remind us or our humanity and bring us back into connection with others rather than with tasks.
What do you hear when someone calls YOUR name today? How funny is that?
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12.10.10
Posted in Humor attitude, Humor~Creativity, Humor~Health & Goals, Humor~Inspirational, The Change Process at 4:16 am by Dr. Trina Hess
I’m in the midst of reading Gina Mazza’s excellent book, “Everything Matters, Nothing Matters.” Right now she’s talking about observing the things that happen to and around us, without being attached to our the results of these happenings or our own image (ego).
Gina describes a particularly bad day that included the hotel staff losing her materials for her presentation, a co-worker who bailed on her, and that culminated in a few drunken sailors stumbling over and breaking Gina’s book table at the convention.
Instead of becoming unglued, Gina merely observed. This far-away-type view let her detach from the happenings, and not take them or herself overly seriously.
Looking at things in this way highlights the humor of the situation as well. When we’re not so bent on having a perfect outcome, we CAN laugh at those lost handouts, and we can be amused—instead of outraged—at drunken sailors ruining our display.
What a great example of de-ego-izing yourself so that you can finally laugh at yourself. From this laughter we get many things:
1. A calmness that protects us from physical stress-effects
2. A clearer focus as we see what’s really and not really important
3. A fearlessness that makes our next moves more productive
4. An anti-perfectionism stance that fosters our creativity and risk-taking
What drunken sailors have stumbled onto YOUR day? How funny can that be?
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12.04.10
Posted in Comedy Around The World, Humor attitude, Humor~Inspirational at 8:37 pm by Dr. Trina Hess
visit YourShiningExample.com today! 
While at Yosemite one night, I looked up at the stars. Majestic. Vast.
I couldn’t stop looking.
At first, I thought excitedly, “I should go get the camera!” But I stopped myself. In the first place, a camera couldn’t capture the exact thing that I was seeing.
In the second place, a camera would interrupt my viewing pleasure.
In the third place, a camera would limit the wondrousness of Yosemite’s stars.
A photograph may even diminish the experience my memory had constructed.
”You had to BE there”-style humor is like that, too.
**We can’t bottle it, capture it on film, or reproduce it.
**It depends on the very specific players present and how and why and in what degree they interact.
**They together create the magic that IS THEIR humor.
**And it becomes their trademark, their way of communally coping, their hope for a better next step.
We can’t control where our humor will lead us any more than I could control the Yosemite star view by stopping it within a photograph.
You simply have to “be there.” And allow it to overtake you with its magic.
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11.09.10
Posted in Humor attitude, Humor~Business, Humor~Health & Goals, Humor~Inspirational at 5:08 am by Dr. Trina Hess
Please don’t read this blog and go away saying, “Trina Hess doesn’t like enthusiastic people. She only wants people to be quiet and read a lot of books.” Well, that second part is true, but it’s also true that I can stand a little enthusiasm now and then.
The problem is when that enthusiasm gets so great that those who are hyped-up lose touch with reality. I’ve been around this phenomenon in various settings. Instances where I felt like an outsider among pod people. I’ve seen and felt it in religious settings, among athletic aficionados, in the midst of political rallies, and of course at soccer games overseas.
”But,” you’re asking, “what’s so bad about being one of those pod people?” The same thing that’s bad about exclusion in general. It limits our influence.
Ironically enough, the solution to avoiding becoming a pod person is the same characteristic that makes humor so great.
When we can relate our enthusiasm to what people can understand, we connect.
When we connect our interest with ways that people can get involved, we inspire.
When we inspire others we convince them to join our pod people.
Enthusiasm is a wonderful quality. But only if we translate it into something that is productive on a larger level. No one wants only a few pod people at their political rally—they want everyone. We want entire stadiums of pod people, who understand our message, who can communicate with us about how to improve our pod ways, and who feel that our pod-ness is enriching their lives.
Who are the pod people in YOUR life?
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