Change causes us to feel out of control.
The rug has been pulled, the jig is up.
We’re exposed, we’re unsettled, we’re restless.

And—we’re not quite sure who we are anymore.

Sound familiar? Great! Here’s your chance to DO something constructive during this typically turbulent time we call CHANGE.

Change requires you to form a new “you”.  To make sense of the chaos that’s splattering all around you. There is a process we go through, whether consciously or not. It’s a process that makes us feel more IN CONTROL. Instead of suffering in victim-hood, we are now exposing, examining, and then picking-and-choosing what definitions of ourselves we will and won’t tolerate.

Doesn’t matter if you didn’t have, or didn’t feel you had a choice initially. THIS time you DO have a choice.  You gain strength every time you choose what to include or exclude from your personal identity line-up.

1. Look at all the prongs—those outside influencers of who we define ourselves to be. At this level, we are just becoming aware of the big picture, the overall scene and our place within that. Don’t get too attached or emotional, just observe.

2. Ask yourself about each prong. What messages made you feel less, stupid, incompetent or hopeless? Maybe you got the message, “You’re not very smart,” and that led you to believe you’d never make it in college. And so…you never tried. Ask yourself: “Am I going to accept this, or reject it?”

3. Discard those messages that are no longer relevant. Maybe in the interim of your last turbulence and the current one, you’ve gained a foothold on your self-doubts.

4. Find others who are in the same boat. Search everywhere, not just face-to-face. Find hashtags on Twitter, groups on Facebook or LinkedIn. And then rest in the knowing that there ARE people who are also tossed about by the waves of change. Simply knowing this is an empowering tool.

5. Return to the activities you love, the interests that bring you joy. This “inner-laughter” will not only promote a hopeful feeling.  It will help your creativity, problem-solving, and focus.

Stay tuned to see how the women in my research study used this process to make a career change!
How funny is THAT?

In my humor programs, people have asked me, “What if I work with a boss who has no sense of humor, who
expect me to understand technology, and to do things perfectly?”

I’ve come to the conclusion that when we’re not living our purpose, we’re going to feel out of
control.

Only you know how badly you need that job.

Only you know whether or not it’s your true calling.

Only you know how much you can take, and/or how far you can take any of my humor strategies there in your workplace.

Your boss isn’t here at my programs, but you are. And the strategies I’m giving you are so that you can protect yourself. But if your situation is so far gone that even humor won’t work—even you lightening
up and getting rid of your own stress–that’s the turning point.

That is when you have to realize, “Hey maybe this isn’t ‘living my purpose.’”  That’s where humor and laughter enter the picture.  They are the keys to getting ‘on purpose’ and living within and maybe even surpassing your potential.  The keys to finding out and doing what it is that you are meant to do in this lifetime.  Because if you’re that stifled by a boss, if you’re that unfulfilled by a job task, if you’re that unfulfilled in your work, you are not giving the world your best.

The remedy starts with telling yourself the TRUTH.
And that truth is the hallmark of humor & laughter.

What are YOU working toward?  How funny is THAT?

Change means that we feel out of control.  We don’t know who we are anymore.  We’ve lost our identity, and with it, our sense of humor. Then, we take everything seriously, including—and especially—ourselves.

So then we can’t relax.  So then we can’t focus; our decisions are skewed.  What we’re left with are actions that may be moving forward, but we still feel out of control.  We question:  Maybe this isn’t the forward motion we’re supposed to be on.

I had a bad dream last night.  I dreamed that my grandma was out of it.  She didn’t remember me or know who I was.  Suddenly, I felt afraid.  Felt out of control—of the dream scene, my feelings, and my choices.

That dream got me thinking about caregivers.  When a scene like that dream happens in real life, what do caregivers do?  All of a sudden their ‘in control’ life of saying “Hi” to their loved ones disappears.  They become strangers in this new, strange land.  No wonder there is little to laugh at or about.

But if we can’t lighten up, we can’t help our loved one to lighten up either.  No matter who they think we are. We create a negative vortex of sad-ittude that begins with fear and swirls around with what-if’s, avoidance, denial, and then we may just bolt from the room in a self-generated panic.

My grandpa died in a nursing home.  The day he left, he’d asked for his hat, shoes, and “billfold” (wallet).  He was ready to go.  He knew it.

He was in control.

We weren’t.

He knew his identity was leaving now.

We didn’t know that.

But what if there is a stage amid failure of one thing and success in the next? Why not claim this limbo state, and declare it as our identity?  What if accepting that we are out of control were our (only) way of being “in control”?

How that would make us laugh!
How that would clarify our decision-making!
How that would make things much easier to handle and accept!

How funny is THAT?

I used to believe the Oprah chant that we are the creators of our selves.  We decide what our identity will be.  I used to believe that.  Until the Penn State scandal.

The news of the scandal, and especially the shock of Joe Paterno’s ousting, were unsettling to this recent Penn State graduate.  The entire escapade highlighted just how little control we sometimes may have in deciding who “we” “are”.

The Paterno news was startling, because the coach came to represent Penn State’s identity.  Even more than the high quality research history, the other sports and academic programs, the creamery and the animal studies.

But I was never a football fan.  The only Penn State gear I bought in my 7 year career there was a pair of blue fleece mittens with the Nittany Lion logo.  I didn’t buy football jerseys, or even go to any games.  My strategy had always been to get out of town when there was a game, otherwise I would be stuck in the tiny-streeted maze until after half- time.

So why did the news affect me like it did?

I felt, as one person walking on the streets of State College commented, “like I was in a daze.”  This is what it feels like to not know your identity.  And this is exactly what happens when we’re slapped in the face with CHANGE.

Sure we do and can decide how we will define our identity.  But even more so, and even more surprising, is that we also absorb large amounts of other things that define our identity.   These are the facets that we must investigate, and later integrate (or not) as we go through a transition situation.

The bad news is that we don’t realize this. We want to overcome the change, get back to normal, and feel happy again.  Even more bad news: when we encounter change, our first reaction may be to grasp on to disjointed tips and advice and therefore we don’t successfully complete our change.  We end up back in the vortex of feeling like we’re in a daze.

We need a systematic approach to change. A program that will help us to naviagte, incorporate, and enjoy the process of change.

The good news is that we CAN do this—but only by using our innate sense of HUMOR…

Who are you after a change?  How funny is THAT?

Q:  Sometimes I’ll see someone giving a medical-information presentation and they’ll add a funny slide from time to time.  Some kind of medical cartoon, something the people in the audience would get.  Or I’ve seen some presenters joke about themselves:  “Some people tell me I have an accent…” I think it makes people seem more interesting and human, and their presentation wasn’t all solely information-heavy.

A:  Yes!  That goes along with being comfortable with your character or style of humor.  The more familiar you are with your skill in getting laughs, the better you’ll know how far to push the envelope.  When you’re giving a speech anywhere, you can read the audience.  In a professional setting, you can get a sense of your co-workers and audience members—how funny they are, or how far to push the humor.

The best way to improve your sensing is by doing these three steps, continually and consciously:

1.  Record the things you say that make other people laugh. You may be surprised at all the funny things you say when you weren’t even trying to be funny!

2.  Accept your humor style, even if it’s not what you think of as “comedic”. Other people have validated that it works, that you ARE funny!

3.  Get comfortable with transitioning seamlessly into and out of humor usage within your presentations. This will keep your laugh lines more organic and less show-biz.

Q:  I’m not a comedian, but I do talks for professional people, sharing medical information.  I think humor keeps people’s interest and keeps them awake.  Is it appropriate to add some humor from time to time in a professional medical setting, where you’re trying to share important medical information but you also want people to pay attention?

A:  I used to say yes, you should use it all the time. But then I started thinking, “Wait a second, do I want my lawyer, do I want my accountant to be funny and joking?”

I can’t answer that question fully, because I usually only work in situations where people CAN laugh, where they’ve been given permission to lighten up, and where they expect me to make them laugh.  I’m not a mathematician.  You are the expert on your own work environment:  the personalities, the level of joking that’s acceptable in your field, the level of lightness.

Just use your judgment. For example, you probably wouldn’t use, “I had this boil on my…” But you could use

1.  Humor that is:  subtle, fitting, congruent, integrated to your more serious topic

2.  Humor that is within your personality style

3.  Humor that you sense your audience will be receptive to

How human, entertaining, interesting was YOUR last presentation? How funny was THAT?
Share your humor needs and questions at www.HumorAcademy.com or be part of the entertaining conversations on Twitter & Facebook!

What does laughter have to do with good business?
Does humor really make a difference in how successful you are in business?  I know it does!
That’s because humor offers us three keys that are indispensable to business:

1.  the big picture view
2.  a guard against perfectionism
3.  connection with our customers

These keys were blatantly missing from a recent experience I had at a health food cafe.  First tip-off was when the clerk informed me that the wrap I was about to order was low-calorie.  Ok, nice to know, but not necessary.  I am a vegetarian, involuntary non-dairy and I have braces.  Isn’t that enough to naviate around?  Calorie content usually isn’t even on my culinary radar.  I have enough to worry about in the course of an average day.

Soon the owner came over and assured me that, “We make all our food ourselves, and so we control the calorie content.” Now this was getting personal.  Did I look like I needed to start counting calories?  Did my braces throw them off, and they thought I was an overweight 12 year old?  Does this wrap make me look fat?

Here is where humor enters.  I am always in the humor mode.  Even–and sometimes especially–when I’m upset, irate, or offended.  This milieu gives me a constant big-picture view.  This humoradar means that I am always on the lookout for irony, potentially sarcastic comments, and opportunities to laugh.  At:

1.  The BIG picture. Not all women think alike or are focused on the same self-esteem-crushing issues.
1.a.  The solution: I could either take offense or realize how little some people know of the big picture.  And leave it at that.

2.  Anti-perfectionism. We can see instantly that our way isn’t the perfect, or only right way of seeing things or doing things.
2.a.  The solution: Our business sense may not be common sense to our customers.  Are we standing in anyone else’s shoes?

3.  Connecting with comfort. Go beyond the obvious to achieve the universal.  What we consider comfortable may prevent us from moving out of our comfort zone and into that of our customers.
3.a.  The solution: Practice seeing more clearly, into our shared, universal problems, passions, and purpose.

It’s dangerous to have that much laser-focus on your business that you miss the big picture.  Sure, I’m only one customer.  But I bought lunch at that cafe and spent $20 on it.  If something makes me mad, I write about it.  If the emperor has no clothes, I’m going to be the first to post those pictures on Facebook.  And (unfortunately or not) people like me are legion.

It’s wonderful to have a strong, excited belief in your products and their value.  But without a humor focus, you are selling the wrong benefits to the wrong people.  They suddenly stop seeing how great your product is, because their overall experience has chinks dented into it.  All because you weren’t able to laugh……..

What’s for sale in your world?  How funny is THAT?

unicycle class action

“Uni”-eed to Unicycle By Dr. Trina Hess’ www.HumorAcademy.com

Tomorrow I’ll go to unicycle class.  My 3rd class.  I still can’t balance or ride without holding on to the wall. But the experience of unicycling shows that in order to learn something new, we have to have these factors in place.  Factors that our class morphed into quite naturally.

1.  Risk it. Be willing to be a beginner, be laughed at, be hurt, be aware that you made a wrong choice. Be willing to take a chance and do something waaay out of your comfort zone.  This is possible when we….

2.  Expect nothing. Not success, not failure, not fame, glory, or injury.  This frees us to enjoy the topic, the experience, the other learners’ ideas and experiences.  When we do this we….

3.  Experiment freely. Without being judged, graded, or even observed, I step up onto the uni after each fall.  No one else cares, they are involved in their own learning, falling, and getting-back-up-again.  We are able to keep going because we…

4.  Lead ourselves. Our teachers don’t lecture.  They merely gave some simple tips to get on the uni.  Then, we experiment on our own uni in our own time.  The teachers are only a resource if we have questions, have accomplishments, have had enough.  When we lead our own learning, we…

5.  Pace ourselves. We rest when we need to, we get back up to the wall when we’re ready.  We learn to trust our pace of learning, our style of acquiring knowledge, and the speed at which we can comprehend.  When all these facets are in place we can…

understand what our teacher told us:  ”Your body knows what to do.  You just have to get on the unicycle.”

Funny how this can apply to ANY learning—when we keep our sense of humor, we strip away the comparisons, the pressure, the focus on being perfect, the spectre of being judged and graded.

And then we can naturally and in our own time, leave the wall and balance through life, sometimes falling, sometimes staying upright. But always having fun because we know we’ve taken the steps to trust ourselves.

What are YOU willing to risk to learn to have fun?  How funny is THAT?
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Want to kill terrorists in Yemen, while you’re against abortion?
Think Postal employees wanting their pensions is selfish, but also resent “sharing the wealth?”

Paradoxes leave us steaming and confounded.  Like Homer Simpson’s exasperated, “T-oh!” of powerlessness.

We feel like we should have a solution.  Or at least a way to resolve our uneasiness.
But we know we don’t.
We know that situations, feelings, and people are not neat and tidy.

How funny is THAT?  Not at all.  So how can we—-without going as far as writing a “joke”—-deal with these ambiguities, loose ends, and frustrations?  How do we chip away at the cinder blocks lining our side and our mind?

1.  We admit that our side, our way, our opinion isn’t the only one “right” way.
2.  We pause enough to get ourselves to observe, look, and say, “isn’t that interesting.”
3.  We see that these polar opposites are simply ”sides” of the same circle.

Taking sides is like making an egg-shaped wheel:  ”It’s clumsy, ineffective and hurts the driver.”

Is it time to get new wheels?  How funny is THAT?

When I heard that the Obama administration was planning on forgiving student loans, I was mad.  Mad for all the students who DID have to repay their loans through sacrifice and discipline.  Mad for the people who have car loans and are feeling lucky at this news.  Mad at a culture that is not more mad over this issue.

Humor is all about
*  accepting who and where and what we are–even and sometimes especially the not-so-pleasant
*  becoming open to possibility and ideas
*  discovering who we are, and what we’re on earth to accomplish
*  having fun as we enjoy the entire journey

This process can’t happen if the component of “self” is taken from the equation  of self-responsibility.

This process can’t happen if we shield people from the negative and encourage them to only see the positive and shiny/bright/sweet-smelling.

The news of the loan forgiveness struck me, because it highlighted our increasingly-normal response to change.  That is, we don’t, won’t and can’t ADAPT.  That’s because we are looking at “college” in outdated terms.  Just like the Hausfrau image has hampered interpersonal relations by giving (usually) the woman what sociologist Arlie Hochschild names a Second Shift.

The problem is that we have kept our image—our “perfect” image–of what college should be, despite radically changed circumstances that make this image not only obsolete, but dangerous to apply in today’s world.

That “perfect” image had us needing to travel far, far away from home to a college.  Going to a branch campus or community college was unacceptable.  Commuting while living at home?  Nonsense!  College meant finding a profession, and preferably a husband.  ”College life” meant partying and wasting time.  Being free.   Not worrying about who would be responsible.   Ok, maybe that was just me.  But that DID work way back in my undergraduate days.

Unfortunately for today’s students, the world has raced quickly out of that image, and we haven’t created another “perfect” college image to replace it.  But maybe that’s the problem:  We’re focusing too much on a comforting goal:  perfection.  And even though we know it’s unattainable, we tenaciously grasp onto it, a security blanket in a world that’s increasingly unknown and therefore, unsafe.

What do we do when we face the unknown?  We run, hide, ignore, and/or cling to what we’ve known to work in the past.  Our first choice isn’t usually to see how that past choice and today’s reality gel or don’t.

The worst part of the loan forgiveness isn’t that it will happen.  Isn’t that it’s a dangerous precedent to set in the attitude and mindset of the next generations.

The worst thing about it all is that it reminds me that we DON”T have a healthy or useful strategy for dealing with change.  It tells me that we don’t naturally or typically want to make adjustments.  It shows me that our open-mindedness that we claim to have isn’t so wide-open after all.

The natural progression of graduation in your area of concentration leading to a job in that profession today is laughable.  That fossilized mindset is what stops students in their tracks, hardens their mind like cement around only looking for work in that area of expertise.  Smashes the entrepreneurial spirit in its wake.

This loan forgiveness issue should inspire us.  No, not to sign up for college.  To examine what OTHER areas our thinking have become fossilized.  Which other models we’re basing our current actions on, even though they may be ineffective.  What attitudes we’re clutching to, that don’t serve us in (the) reality of our situation.
How much do YOU owe in student loans?  How funny is THAT?